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Something to Prove

from The Other Side of Hell EP by Black House

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about

The summer after I got married was full of realizations for me, one of which being the fact that I had been so preoccupied with making ends meet and juggling responsibilities that I had ignored some rather pernicious cycles of thought and unhealthy behaviors. The song is something of a ballad, an attempt at apology written about ten minutes before I recorded it, and only a few months before the relationship it primarily refers to was over. I briefly considered putting this song in a locked vault somewhere, but the truth is I am still thankful for that relationship and what I ultimately did learn--and now when I think about the words, the "love" I am still counting on no longer refers to an individual, but rather to love itself--abundant and unlimited.

lyrics

I thought your love was something to be counted
By quantities of petals on the flowers
Flowers that you give to me and that I give to you
Vases of “I’ve got something to prove”

I’m sorry for the take take take
For never being full and blaming you
I’m thankful that we never had a break
Before we got up to the age of two

The anxiety of love me do, do not
That compels me to take all that you’ve got
And beg for more while you’re walking the floor
Just trying to not untie this knot

I’m sorry for the take take take
For never being full and blaming you
I’m thankful that we never had a break
Before we got up to the age of two

Love I have learned now how to count it
In the truth of your words and your smile
And wherever we go and whomever we go to
We will carry each other carry each other

I’m sorry for the take take take
For never being full and blaming you
I’m so thankful that we didn’t break
Before we could become something new

Love I am counting, love I am counting, now love I am counting on you.

credits

from The Other Side of Hell EP, released November 7, 2014

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Black House Corvallis, Oregon

Folky country bluesy whatever. This is myself as a queer person, as a survivor of all kinds of mess, as a life enthusiast, in musical form.

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